


Definitely not Pissing a Rainbow

by Applepie



Series: Pissing a Rainbow [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack Humour, Gen, Pissing a Rainbow, They're still messing with Kakashi, Time Travel, Yes the Hokage is in on it, chunin exam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2014-11-17
Packaged: 2018-02-25 19:19:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2633285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Applepie/pseuds/Applepie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Naruto definitely isn’t pissing a rainbow, Sakura is not the only one from the future, Sasuke refuses to admit he’s a horrible actor, and the Hokage is the only one privy to this information. Kakashi, the poor man, is forever the unlucky victim.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Definitely not Pissing a Rainbow

It all started when Kakashi's Genin team disappeared half-way through their Chunin Exam and singlehandedly thwarted Orochimaru's devious plot before it was even fully erected. Actually, to be exact, it all started way earlier than that - back when his kids were not so cute seven-year-olds who knew more than they really should.

The little ducklings had somehow gotten attached to him, despite his blatant hatred for them. Kakashi had tried to ignore their obnoxious bantering the best he could when they were young, because  _'kids will be kids'_ , the Hokage had informed him when he  _might have_  complained about throwing them all off a cliff just for some peace and quiet. It got harder and harder to dismiss their oddness as they grew older and were place on his Genin team where he could no longer avoid them. Still, Kakashi desperately tried, but soon it was obvious he was getting nowhere. Maybe that was why he so happily nominated the three of them for the Chunin Exam – the sooner he was free from his role as their Sensei, the better.

Of course, he really should have expected it when Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura managed to make his life harder yet again,  _before_  he managed to ditch them all forever.

 

* * *

 

While the world around Kakashi slowly settled down from Orochimaru's failed attempt at village invasion, Kakashi had other matters to take care of. Namely the three Genin in front of him. "Who are you?" Kakashi demanded, glaring suspiciously at the kids, slowly slipping into a dangerous stance.

Naruto blinked in surprise, shooting a glance over at his two teammates in alarm. "Wait, Sensei! It's us! Honestly!" he cried.

"And I am supposed to believe that my precious Genin were somehow able to singlehandedly foiled Orochimaru's plans without breaking a sweat?" the man said skeptically, eyeing them in indiscreet scrutiny.

"Since when did you ever consider us ' _precious'_ ," Sasuke snorted, crossing his arms.

"That's beside the point," Kakashi said dismissively.

From beside the boy, a pink haired girl gave a worried wail. "It really is us!" Sakura pleaded, hands held upwards in a placating manner, trying to convince Kakashi they meant no harm. She shot Sasuke a quick glare to which he only rolled his eyes.

"What?" the boy droned, "He's not going to believe us regardless of what I say."

Sakura frowned. Meanwhile, Naruto grinned, eyes lit up with a sudden idea. "Oh! Do you want proof, Sensei?" the blond asked happily, bounding over towards the silver-haired man. Before the Jounin could even speak, Naruto pulled up his shirt. "Wanna see the Kyuubi seal mark to confirm it's really me?" The clothing was discarded on the floor without a second thought.

Kakashi held a hand exasperatedly to his head in response. His eye, however, was trained on Naruto's stomach, where Kakashi couldn't help staring. Because right there, glowing in all its glory was the eight trigrams seal Kakashi recognised from years of watching over the kid. "Naruto, I hoped you were old enough to know it's impolite to strip in front of a girl," he said dryly to cover up his astonishment.

"Nah, it's just Sakura," the blond said, patting his belly.

"What is that supposed to mean?!" said girl retorted indigently.

"You see me naked all the time."

Kakashi frowned for a second before he raised an eyebrow at the pinklette, wondering what his students got up to while he wasn't around. On the other hand, did he really want to know? "That's not what he meant, Kakashi-sensei!" the girl cried out.

"I don't judge your relationships," was Kakashi's only response.

"No!" The girl buried her head into her hand, cheeks tinted pink, muttering something about medical-nins.

Shaking his head, Kakashi dropped his stance, now certain his students were still his students, at the very least. Nevertheless, the Genins could tell Kakashi was still tense - then again, seeing kids half his age and supposedly a quarter of his experience suddenly working together like a seasoned team and flawlessly foiling a supposedly secret plot and taking out one of the Legendary Sanin, did that to people, shinobi or not.

"Alright, talk," Kakashi demanded. "What is going on?"

There was silence as the kids fidgeted nervously in front of him. Then, Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura shared a silent look with each other and Sakura sighed, stepping up to speak. "In all honesty, we're from the future," the girl said, low and serious.

Kakashi blink a long, long blink, before he shook his head to clear out his ears. "I beg your pardon?"

"The future," Sasuke repeated dully.

Immediately, Kakashi turned towards the young blond in the group with a  _tsk_ on his lips. "Naruto, did you put them up to this?" he reprimanded, recalling how the boy had successfully managed to pull the kids into his crazy schemes before (Because no, he did not have buck teeth or blimp lips, thank you very much).

"Nu-uh," Naruto whined, but Kakashi was ignoring him in favor of coaxing a confession out of the other two.

"Tell me the truth," Kakashi said, staring down at the Uchiha and Haruno, trying to look like the harmless, lovable Sensei he always refused to be for them, "Did Naruto put you two up to this prank?"

Sasuke's lip wobbled immediately. He swiped his arm across his eyes. "I-it's Naruto's fault. H-he s-sa-id if we didn't li-isten to him," Sasuke gave a loud sniff, "he was going to t-tell everyone about my brother and make everyone hate me. H-he was blackmailing us."

Kakashi stared incredulously at the raven-haired boy. "… Did  _you_ put Naruto up to this?" he corrected straight away.

Sasuke made a face, "I said Naruto put me up to it," the boy countered heatedly, only a hint of the misery he'd tried to display still existing on his face.

Head in his hands, Kakashi sighed out loud. "Sasuke, you don't cry. Suddenly bursting out into tears is unbelievable. That was the worst lying I have ever seen, and honestly, it would have been better if you'd just stayed quiet."

Sasuke glowered at him.

"I have been trying to tell you for the last three years: you suck at acting," Kakashi deadpanned.

Sasuke gave a snarling growl under his breath. "There's nothing wrong with my acting," the boy muttered, "No one understands me."

Kakashi ignored the brooding boy, turning back to the likely sanest member of the trio. "As willing as I am to believe you," Kakashi began in a voice that spoke otherwise, "do you really expect me to believe in time-travel?" the man asked Sakura.

The girl wisely shook her head, but smiled a sweet and confident smile at him. "You only need to ask the Hokage, Kakashi-sensei. We have already proved ourselves to the Hokage."

Kakashi shot a glance at the old man standing a few meters away, ordering his shinobi to fix up the mess Orochimaru had brought along. "Really," he said wryly.

"We told him about it the moment we realised we were back in time."

Why was he not surprised the Hokage failed to share this information with him?

"It's so awesome!" Naruto cheered, leaping onto the Jounin, arms flailing in excitement. "Everyone underestimates me and no one expects it when I pull all sorts of pranks on the village!"

"I'd prefer if you refrained from causing havoc to the citizens," Kakashi replied with a sigh. Why was he also not surprise the first thing Naruto would think of for time-travel was all the pranks he could play? That is, assuming the Hokage  _was_ going to confirm their time-traveler status – but Kakashi had no doubts the man would. In fact, thinking back, this explained  _everything._

Beside Kakashi, Sakura had her hands planted on her hips, towered over Naruto with a glare on her face. "Naruto," she hissed out, looking ever so ready to pound the blond to the ground, "stop being such a child. We're trying to be serious here."

"Hey! You didn't yell at Sasuke when  _he_  was playing around," Naruto sulked, jabbing a finger at the Uchiha, "He was trying to unsuccessfully blame everything on me! Thankfully he sucks at acting."

Sasuke glared at the blond. "Shut up and listen to Sakura," the boy said succinctly in response.

"Hah! You just don't want to admit you suck!"

"Can we get back on topic?" Sakura cried above the voices of her teammates.

"Indeed," Kakashi said. Curiosity was getting to the better of him, especially faced with the sudden awareness of time-travelling. And yet, here was the team who experience that unbelievable phenomenon, and all they were doing was squabbling. But what else was he supposed to expect from these three? "How did this happen?"

"It was Naruto's fault."

Kakashi was certain that statement explained everything. In fact, when  _wasn't_ it Naruto's fault?

"Me?!" Naruto threw his hand up in the air, "I wasn't the one who told you to jump through that glowing vortex!"

"You fell in and we had to pull you out. And of course, you had to pull us in with you!" Sakura retorted.

Naruto stabbed a finger over at the Uchiha who was merely staring at them all in a silent glower, "Blame Sasuke for being so weak!"

Kakashi rubbed his temples as Sasuke glared and Sakura threw her hands up in the air. "You're too heavy! It's your fault for eating so much ramen all the time," the girl complained.

"Naruto. Sasuke. Sakura," Kakashi said sternly at each of them. With a minimal amount of grumbling, the little Genins quieted down. "On second thought, let's not get into that," Kakashi decided resolutely. If the last few seconds were any indication, Kakashi wouldn't get anything but a headache at the end of that discussion. "So you three traveled back in time and decided to annoy me. How wonderful," he muttered to himself.

"Well, I  _wanted_  to change the future immediately," Sakura began hesitantly, catching Kakashi's words, "But Sasuke and the Hokage decided that minimal interference would be better, so that our future knowledge would actually be helpful, especially during pivotal events such as today, and ... well, another major event coming soon." Kakashi had a feeling Sakura truly meant  _major_  when she said major, and he could only hope it wasn't another Shinobi War.

"It would have been best in the long run if we pretended we were ignorant to the future," Sasuke explained succinctly.

Naruto laughed at the other boy. He turned towards Kakashi with a grin on his face. "But Sasuke probably gave it away trying to  _act_  like he didn't know anything, right?" Naruto asked, howling away.

Kakashi tipped his head towards the pinklette. "I think Sakura was tied with him there."

"Since you were our Sensei both in the past and present, the Hokage gave us some leeway," Sakura enlightened him with a bright smile and nod, "He let me drop hints about our knowledge and about the future to you."

Kakashi almost wished she hadn't. Ignorance was bliss, as the saying went. Honestly, Kakashi didn't even want the devil children in the first place, and now it turned out the came with an even larger package. One that the Hokage clearly knew and took pleasure in keeping Kakashi in the dark about, just to let the kids drop hints about it in their annoyingly unbearable ways.

"And the Old man didn't want me to prank the whole village either, so he said since you were going to be my Sensei, you could deal with that too," Naruto added.

Kakashi gave out a loud groan. "Why does this happen to me?" he grumbled to himself.

Unfortunately, Naruto heard. "Because you're a pervert," he said cheerily, as though perverseness was the sole reason why Kakashi was predestined to be his victim. If being a pervert was a requirement which allowed for people to be unconditionally pranked, then half of Konoha would never be safe.

"Jiraiya's more of a pervert," Kakashi countered immediately, having no qualms selling out his favourite author as long as it meant these miscreants would just  _leave him alone._ Surely Naruto knew who Jiraiya was.

Naruto, of course, only shrugged. "The Old man said something about you needing to lighten up, and what better way than to take the brute of my pranks," he said with an innocent grin.

Kakashi took a deep breath. And another. And another. He clenched his hands into a fist, cursing the old Hokage with everything he knew. The Hokage was in on the whole thing - it was his fault the sanity of the world suddenly turned against him.

"Anyways," Naruto continued, clueless to the vow of hatred Kakashi was directing towards their village Hokage, "Rainbow pee was such an awesome idea, you know? I never would have been able to bribe your ninken if the Old man hadn't suggested trying steak instead of dog biscuits."

Kakashi always knew the Hokage was a sadistic old man, and that there was a-hundred-percent proof.


End file.
